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The first time I’ve been told the truth
It had a metallic feeling
A mixed feeling, more like an alloy
It tasted like blood, red iron
And yet it was all blue and luminous and fierce.

The first time I’ve heard the truth was also the day my expectations died
You can’t keep them alive
At the back of your head
And listen to the truth
Simultaneously
Somehow you have to choose.

The truth tastes like a fist
In your jaw
Like a tooth in your mouth
Like something you had been looking for
But didn’t expect to find
Until it found you.

The first time I’ve tasted the truth
I immediately knew
It was the first time and yet
It’s unmistakable
Like love
Like hate
Like pumpkin pie
You know what it is the moment it touches your tongue.

The first day I’ve heard the truth was a Friday
It was raining but not raining
The weather was undecided
Dancing with the wind
An ever-mending wound
Of melted clouds
And I felt lonely for the first time
Even though I no longer was
For that day I met a crowd of brothers and sisters carrying the truth along with me
They had been there the whole time
Only I couldn’t see them.

The truth tastes like a long lost friendship
You can’t remember clearly
Nor totally forget
It tastes like heaven
Born in hell
It tasted like the end of me.

Sideway Glances, Wishful Thinking

My heart has taken contracts
That I would never sign
Not even if I were
Remotely sober
Or promised heavens.

So I thought I might as well
Learn a thing or two
In the process
Like
Don’t try to teach humility
To someone who won’t step out of
Humiliation.

Swimming Mantra

Float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
Said Ali

Let your hips carry thee
Your belly sustains thee
Breathe and breathe
Save your energy

Be here
Be here
Little tiny thee
In the big bright sea
Little body free
From you swimming here

I hate me when I’m drunk

I hate me when I’m drunk
I get drunk and I get laid
When it’s not rape it’s disaster
For the mister is so intense

He’s a freelancer
A busy prick
Whose shivers
Are neither cheap
Nor shared
Only taken
For granted

Sa-u-vages

C’est l’histoire d’un guerrier et d’une princesse.
It’s the story of a warrior and a princess.
Seulement le guerrier pense qu’il et une princesse
Et la princesse croit qu’elle est un guerrier.
Only the warrior thinks he’s a princess
And the princess believes she’s a warrior.

Addictions

There’re odd places in this world
That I go to when I’m in pain
Dreadful places of comfort
That I poorly love to hate

I visit them when I see change
Surface like a tsunami
Like rage crashing through the fence
Of my unsealed heart melody

And I might stay or leave quickly
But always I pay a tribute
To the violence they’ve been holding
Waiting for me to take notice

Balancing doubt

Doubt if any
Truth will come to me
Doubt it shall be
To bend my head down
to the Earth
Doubt from many
Hidden layers
From there to then
And yet again
Doubt shall see me
Through.

My ex keeps popping up in my dreams like an asshole

He stands in black
Wearing a cap
As if hiding
From the ceiling

He’s staring down
Eyes on the ground
His corner gaze
Scanning the place

A heavy mouth
Drags his face south
Bitten in shame
Bitter with pain

And our eyes lock
But he won’t stop
The intense play
He’s acting there

The game of life

Sometimes I play games
Sometimes they play me
Sometimes I win games
Sometimes they lose me

I love you sunshine

The sun has in space
Some spot in the sun
And inside it’s insanely
Drunk
For it shines like a ball
Of fire and soul
And nothing ever
Stops
It’s all infinite
It’s all sky, stars, and light
It’s all scary as hell
And yet the sun shines.

Don’t be nice

Don’t’ be nice to me.
I don’t want you to be nice.
I want you to shine, to cry, and pour out your light into the world.
I want you to be your best self.
I want you to be extraordinary.