I hate me when I’m drunk
I get drunk and I get laid
When it’s not rape it’s disaster
For the mister is so intense
He’s a freelancer
A busy prick
Whose shivers
Are neither cheap
Nor shared
Only taken
For granted
I hate me when I’m drunk
In the morning
I wash the sheets
And the body
Thoroughly
Go get the pill
For the mister is so fragile
And unsatisfied
He took the condom off
Here I’m queuing
At the pharmacy
The guy there is patient
Kind
So sweet it is suspicious
The woman there is tired
Distracted
Too used to it
The pounding in my head
The shame I can’t hide
The loneliness inside
I hate it hate it hate it
And yet I know
I do it in a rage for survival
A basic need to be loved
Too long denied
Hungry for life
Pleasure, reward, and tolerance
They say
I say it’s all about control
Control makes infants of us all
Release me, it screams
And I drink
Release me, louder
And I lose it
Release the losing, even more
And I cry in self-pity
My love partner is anger
Commanding me
To get drunk and get laid
And hate me when I’m drunk.
Sideways Glances, Wishful Thinking
My heart has taken contracts
That I would never sign
Not even if I were
Remotely sober
Or promised heavens.
So I thought I might as well
Learn a thing or two
In the process
Like
Don’t try to teach humility
To someone who won’t step out of
Humiliation.
Swimming Mantra
Float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
Said Ali
Let your hips carry thee
Your belly sustains thee
Breathe and breathe
Save your energy
Be here
Be here
Little tiny thee
In the big bright sea
Little body free
From you swimming here
Sa-u-vages
C’est l’histoire d’un guerrier et d’une princesse.
It’s the story of a warrior and a princess.
Seulement le guerrier pense qu’il et une princesse
Et la princesse croit qu’elle est un guerrier.
Only the warrior thinks he’s a princess
And the princess believes she’s a warrior.
Addictions
There’re odd places in this world
That I go to when I’m in pain
Dreadful places of comfort
That I poorly love to hate
I visit them when I see change
Surface like a tsunami
Like rage crashing through the fence
Of my unsealed heart melody
And I might stay or leave quickly
But always I pay a tribute
To the violence they’ve been holding
Waiting for me to take notice
What the truth tastes like
The first time I’ve been told the truth
It had a metallic feeling
A mixed feeling, more like an alloy
It tasted like blood, red iron
And yet it was all blue and luminous and fierce.
Balancing doubt
Doubt if any
Truth will come to me
Doubt it shall be
To bend my head down
to the Earth
Doubt from many
Hidden layers
From there to then
And yet again
Doubt shall see me
Through.
My ex keeps popping up in my dreams like an asshole
He stands in black
Wearing a cap
As if hiding
From the ceiling
He’s staring down
Eyes on the ground
His corner gaze
Scanning the place
A heavy mouth
Drags his face south
Bitten in shame
Bitter with pain
And our eyes lock
But he won’t stop
The intense play
He’s acting there
The game of life
Sometimes I play games
Sometimes they play me
Sometimes I win games
Sometimes they lose me
I love you sunshine
The sun has in space
Some spot in the sun
And inside it’s insanely
Drunk
For it shines like a ball
Of fire and soul
And nothing ever
Stops
It’s all infinite
It’s all sky, stars, and light
It’s all scary as hell
And yet the sun shines.
Don’t be nice
Don’t’ be nice to me.
I don’t want you to be nice.
I want you to shine, to cry, and pour out your light into the world.
I want you to be your best self.
I want you to be extraordinary.
